The Old Shelter

Dieselpunk Roaring Twenties. Sarah Zama's Author Blog

8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks #1

dieselpunkssquarelogoHere it is. My first snippet for the 8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks. I’m so exited!
The first time I heard about this idea I thought, hey, how can anyone make sense out of just eight sentences?
Well, if the eight sentences are well chosen, they can make a lot of sense. I was very surprise to discover this. A very pleasant surprise. I hope my choice will make sense to you and you’ll enjoy it.

I’ll be posting snippets from the WIP Ghostly Smell Around. I’m currently working on a polishing up revision. Not quite there, yet, but getting very close to a stage where the novel will actually be readable.

There are two main threads running all though the novel, one centering on Blood and Michael and one centering on Sinéad.
This snippet is from chapter 1, Blood and Michael’s section.

Hope you’ll enjoy it.

Michael was finally near enough to grab Blood’s arm and pull, forcing him to stop and force whirl to him. “Now what was that?”

They were both panting for the run, Michael’s ears buzzed too. Blood turned to one of the alleys, listening, when instead Michael smelled people looking at them from curtained windows.

The faster they left, the better. He pulled at Blood, who didn’t try to disengage but looked at him and said, “It’s very near, now.”

Michael tightened then loosened his grip, narrowed his eyes. “What is very near?”

———————————————————

8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks is an idea sponsored by the Dieselpunks website.

If you’re a dieselpunk or steampunk writer, you may want to join. Or also if you write fiction of any genre set in the Twenties, like my story, and you’d like to exchange snippets, just leave a comment in here with a link. I’ll be happy to return the visit and read your snippet.

 

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3 thoughts on “8 Sentence Sunday on Dieselpunks #1

  1. Nice snippet. Really conveys a sense of urgency. The one thing I’d point out is the first sentence. “forcing him to stop and force whirl to him” -using the word ‘force’ twice in such a short period sounds a bit awkward. Other than that, nice work!

  2. Hi Bard, thanks for stopping by.

    Oh, man. I get so annoyed with myself when I don’t see these things. How was it that I didn’t see the repetition? Uff!!!
    Thanks so much for pointing it out. I’ll fix it.

    But I’m happy you caught the sense of urgency. I wasn’t sure it came through on such a short excerpt. Short excerpts are evil.

    • If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that we never catch those little things when it comes to our own writing. I’ve had many a simple mistake pointed out by someone else that had me slapping my forehead from the 0bviousness of it.

      And yes, short excerpts are evil.

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